The Adelaide Ventricle Think Tank - Filled with ideas that just might work! (well some of them): February 2022

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The Adelaide Ventricle Think Tank

A repository of ideas? A repository of suppositories? Ideas to get the world moving, remove the blockages of bureaucracy and bureaucrats and just cut to the chase. Hey, we could even solve Ambulance ramping in Adelaide. Do you have a good idea to share with the tiny corner of the world looking at this page? Yes? Bring it on. Send it in and we'll have a look at publishing it. Fame, fortune, and maybe a novel fix to a societal problem could be just around the corner.

  • Social Influencer Charged by Police For Driving Under the Influence of Herself
    Social Influencer Kylie has today been summonsed to appear for driving under the influence of herself. After seen driving erratically on North Road in Brighton, Melbourne, Kylie, a social influencer, was pulled over by the police. Recording a zero blood alcohol level, police then decided to use the new social influence test (SIT) for driving under the effects of a social influence.
    Posted: Monday 28 February 2022
  • The Perpetual Motion Adelaide to Sydney Train Project Breaks Ground at Winpega.
    The Perpetual Motion Adelaide to Sydney Train Project (The PMATSTP) has broken ground in Adelaide this week with Premier Steve Marshall planting a tree at Winpega on the $2.1 billion project. The PMATSTP will use a series of existing and new undulating hills between Adelaide and Sydney for the F-Trains to move people and goods interstate at almost zero emission.
    Posted: Friday 25 February 2022
  • Medical Receptionist Shirley to fill in for God when God has a holiday next month.
    Medical receptionist Shirley from the City of Boronia in east Melbourne has been approved to fill in for God when God has a holiday. As the principal gatekeepers to doctors The Medical Receptionist Guild of Australia (MRGoA) have determined that Shirley has the right disposition to deliver judgements on applications usually made to God. This includes petitioners seeking to speak to God.
    Posted: Friday 25 February 2022
  • Non-protesters thank WTG protesters for identifying loophole in NZs parking laws (NZ Correspondent)
    New Zealand non-protesters have issued a statement today thanking Wellington protesters for identifying loophole in NZs parking laws. Law will take 3 years to fix.
    Posted: Wednesday 23 February 2022
  • Pointless Barking by Neighbour's Dog Debuts No 1 on Music Charts
    Pointless Barking by Australian Band Neighbour's Dog has Debuted at No 1 on Music Charts in 3 countries: Australia, New Zealand and Albania. "Pointless barking just seems to connect with so many people" said Neighbours Dog front man Barry. "It's like everyone had heard it before".
    Posted: Sunday 20 February 2022
  • Spare Parts People Website Launched in Australia
    The innovative Spare Parts People business sweeping Asia has launched its Australian website in anticipation of a stock market IPO later this year. Spare Parts People is a business started in China by The Chinese Government that brokers body parts from living donors, although the model has come under fire for exploiting the poor.
    Posted: Wednesday 16 February 2022
  • Uber Ambulance hits Uber Eats Driver While Tackling Ambulance Ramping in Adelaide
    Adelaide’s new Uber Ambulance service is currently offline after crashing into an Uber Eats cyclist on Port Rush Road at Mile End yesterday. While ambulance ramping in Adelaide escalates Uber Ambulance owner Brian said he hopes service would soon be restored.
    Posted: Tuesday 15 February 2022
  • Snot Pipping to be an Olympic Sport at Los Angeles Olympic Games 2028
    Snot Pipping is to be granted special Demonstration Promotion Status at the Los Angeles Olympic Games 2028, with a hope of becoming an official sport at the Brisbane 2032 Summer Olympics. Being selected as a wild card entry sport, Snot Pipping is being heralded as a COVID friendly and satisfying sport to engage in which helps people keep their distance.
    Posted: Tuesday 15 February 2022
  • Man with Personality at Large in Adelaide Eastern Suburbs
    A man with personality is on the loose in Eastern Adelaide Suburbs. Seen daily but last unnoticed when he opened the door for a woman leaving a café. The man with personality feigned a doorman salute and was ignored. People are encouraged to 'unnotice' the man.
    Posted: Tuesday 15 February 2022
  • Rain Falling Down Downpipes New Source of Renewable Energy
    A pilot program has commenced in Adelaide to generate electricity from rain falling down household downpipes with little tiny turbines installed in the downpipes. It is expected that enough electricity will be generated to power the average household leaf blower for over 1 hour per week.
    Posted: Sunday 13 February 2022
  • Pure Anarchy Model Of Society to be Trialed in Australia in 2023
    The Australian Government has decided to capitulate to the freedom movements and offer pure anarchy as the next form of Government in Australia. The Reserve Bank of Australia will be disbanded and just as private assets were sold off in the late 80s, all people in Australia with a bank account will become shareholders in the money in Australia. The RBA will be disabled and everything will move to a new Cryptocurrency type arrangement with people earning credits for their efforts.
    Posted: Sunday 13 February 2022
  • Loud Talking by Lyrca Clad Cyclists to Be Banned in Adelaide from May 2022
    Loud talking by large packs of male cyclists on suburban streets will now be banned from sunrise to sunset in an effort to alleviate the god awful sound of large packs of male cyclists talking loudly on suburban streets between sunrise and sunset.
    Posted: Sunday 13 February 2022
  • New Wall Rack Baby Storage Rack System Available from Bunnings and Ikea
    A new way to 'park' your baby has just been launched. Available at Bunnings and Ikea. The 'Dangle Baby' system is a relatively simple wall mounted rack similar to the racks holding bikes on the back of cars. Available for $10.99 for single and $59.99 for double of triple.
    Posted: Saturday 12 February 2022
  • Adelaide Botanic Gardens - Not the Angophora Costata I expected
    My visit to the Adelaide Botanic Gardens today did not exceed my expectations. The Angophora Costata was not the Angophora Costata I expected. 1 star.
    Posted: Saturday 12 February 2022
  • Australian Government Tracks Litter with QR Code Now Mandatory on Every Item Sold
    The Australian Government today has passed new legislation that will mandate a QR code on every single item sold and connecting the item to the credit card history of purchasers in an effort to track littering to the purchaser of the item.
    Posted: Saturday 12 February 2022
  • BUSINESS: Young Student Sells Shares in Future Income to Pay For Degree
    In a novel approach Jack Student of Elizabeth in Adelaide has just sold the rights to 20% of his future earnings in order to pay for his Arts Degree.
    Posted: Friday 11 February 2022
  • Catholics Start Praying Like Muslims. Say: It Helps Our Backs
    The Australian Christian Society of Tasmania (ACST) have endorsed calls by the Australian Catholic Church (ACC) to start praying like Muslims because it really helps sciatica and lower back pain.
    Posted: Friday 11 February 2022
  • LAW: Baby Accused of Crying Like a Baby Claims Baby Defence: I am A Baby! Also claims Nappy Defence.
    A baby boy in Prospect, South Australia accused of purposely disrupting the peace of shoppers at an Adelaide Bunnings Store has successfully raised the Doli Incapax defence in Court where no child under 10 is capable of forming a guilty mind.
    Posted: Friday 11 February 2022
  • COVID Unvaccinated Eligible Adults Thank Vaccinated Eligible Adults for Freeing up Beds in Hospitals
    "You guys are really saving our arses" said the statement which went on. "Without 95% of the population being vaccinated, there would not be enough hospital beds for us unvaccinated.We really want to thank youse vaccinated"
    Posted: Friday 11 February 2022
  • COVID Unvaccinated People Fund Campaign for Vaccinated People to get Booster
    The Unvaccinated Peoples Collective of South Australia (UACSA) is now running a vaccination drive to get more vaccinated people to have their booster so that more beds can be freed up in hospitals.
    Posted: Friday 11 February 2022
  • COVID Unvaccinated Claim They Are Punching Above Their Weight During Pandemic
    "Look", said the statement, "we know unvaccinated people are punching above our weight contributing 50% of hospital deaths and ICU admissions from just 5% of the population."
    Posted: Friday 11 February 2022

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