Mullet Hair Infection On the Rise Again: LADWAM Professionals Advised to Take Precautions

Mullet Hair Infection On the Rise Again: LADWAM Professionals Advised to Take Precautions

Mullet hairstyles are making a comeback post COVID lockdowns but an urgent plea has gone out from Lawyers And Doctors Without A Mullet (LADWAM) to young lawyers and doctors to NOT become 'mulleted'.

It is feared that if the mullet spreads into law and medicine, society will collapse as patients of doctors and lawyers will not be able to have serious conversations with a mulleted doctor or lawyer.

Mullets will also drive down the price people are willing to pay a lawyer or doctor for their service, so the financial impacts alone are hoped to be enough to dissuade young student lawyers and doctors from 'taking up the mullet'.

Dentists are not affected by the alert as patients of dentists are usually affected by gas or injection which block the mullet receptors in people's heads.
Incidence of mullets has risen to over 5% of the male population with an R factor of 2.2

With lockdowns now a thing of the past and people re-entering the streets the incidence of mullets has risen to over 5% of the male population and growing fast. Mullets have an R factor like that of COVID, and currently have an R factor of 2.2. This means any mulleted individual is likely to create 2.2 mullets on average if left without treatment.

LADWAM has suggested the mullet is one of the unintended consequences of the 2020/ 2021 lockdowns where home haircuts were the norm. As most men were only able to work out how to clipper the sides of their heads, they let the back grow and became 'mulleted'.

The sudden influx of mullets is also affecting society making kindergarten children cry with disbelief.

LADWAM professionals understand that not everyone can be saved from the mullet, which has already spread to several western Adelaide, western Melbourne, and western Sydney suburbs. The only benefit in Sydney is that mulletted men are able to be turned upside down and used to mop the floors following the recent floods. This does produce a Rastafarian hairstyle but that is able to be treated by medical marijuana.

Volunteer 'Mullet Armies' are being organised to distribute 'demulletfication' information to mullet wearers on the street before the mullet spreads.

The following information is being urgently distributed by 'Mullet Armies' who volunteer to hand out 'demulletification' to law students and medical schools in every capital city of Australia, as it is the young who are at most risk of infection. 

  1. Avoid hairdressers with mullets - they are 86% more likely to pass on the mullet to their clients than hairdressers without mullets.
  2. Avoid manual labour with tradie friends - lawyers and doctors are advised to hand out hairnets to any mulleted tradie working on site to decrease the potential attraction of the mullet to surrounding individuals.
  3. Women are asked to please not breed with the mulleted individuals - this has a reproduction factor of up to 3 or 4 mullets per household. 

Posted: Wednesday 16 March 2022